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Research looking at sources of conflict within couples has
consistently found that financial problems are one of the most cited
reasons behind arguments and even splitting up. However, research
has also highlighted that the problem is not the level of income per
se. Rather, arguments seem to generate about how the money is
spent and administered.
In order to minimize friction and arguments, it is
important for individuals in the couple to understand what is their
own relationship with money and what this represents for each one of
them. Attitudes towards money can be summarized in four main
categories:
1)
Money is for the here and now – In this category are
individuals who want to enjoy the present without thinking of
possible consequences of the future. They want a holiday ‘now’, they
want a car ‘now’, they want to go out and party ‘now’ and not think
about what tomorrow may bring.
2)
Money is for today AND tomorrow – These individuals take into
consideration both the needs of today and the possible needs of
tomorrow (including the rainy days!). Although they spend part of
the money to enjoy the present, they don’t go to the extremes and
save some money to take care of the future.
3)
Money is for accumulating – These individuals tend to keep
most of the money for themselves without spending it. The risk is to
miss out on some joys of life (e.g. going out for a meal to a nice
restaurant etc.) and alienating a partner who does not share a
similar view on money.
4)
Money is for sharing – In this category are individuals who
tend to be the very generous with their money and share their wealth
with loved ones, buy presents, give money to charities and so forth.
Of course the main question that stems out this
is: what do you do if you and your partner have different attitudes
towards money?
Well, if that is the case then you will need to
sit down and agree on some basic budget priorities. These priorities
could be:
1.
money for bills, food and basic essential things
2.
money put aside for possible emergencies
3.
money for leisure and entertainment and
4.
money put aside for saving
You could open a separate account to ensure
that at least point number 1 is covered and every month you put,
say, £800 on this account via direct debit (or whatever you have
worked out your bills and basic essentials to be). Then you can
negotiate the rest.
However, it is important that each of you write
down your own list of priorities (and maybe divide these priorities
into categories such as absolute musts e.g. mortgage, important e.g.
children’s clothes, treats e.g. cinema and so on). Then you will
need to ‘compare notes’ (so to speak!) and calmly go through each
other’s list and negotiate how to distribute the money. If after
going through this procedure you still have problems, then you may
want to consider speaking with a third impartial person.
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