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“The” golden rule to make
yourself happy in a relationship is very simple: BE YOURSELF.
This may sound crazy to many
readers. Of course you must be yourself in a relationship, who else
could you be? And yet it is amazing how many women on a daily basis
make one of the most common mistakes when they go out with a guy:
they make their own world revolve around the partner. They adjust
their own lifestyle for him, to make him fit, or to make sure that
he does not leave them. Sorry to say this, but if you have to work
so hard to make someone fit with your life or to make a
relationship work, then the hint is clear: that relationship is not
right for you. Of course relationships need work on a daily basis,
little compromises are often necessary, but the work should be on
both sides, not just your side. Moreover, the type of work
required should not involve major changes in your life to the point
where you lose your own identity.
The fact is that some women
want so much to make the relationship succeed, that they deny who
they are and what they want to give him whet they believe he
wants. And they lie to themselves. They lie because they try to be
something they are not. And they are being unfair to themselves.
They are denying themselves the opportunity to be happy within their
present relationship or maybe to meet a person with whom they could
be happy. And the lie to him. They lie to him because they pretend
to be something they are not. They build resentment towards him
whilst he does not even have a clue about what is going on because
he believes that she is happy! Why else would she be doing all the
things she does if she were not happy? He would never do that and so
it would never cross his mind that she would continue for months or
years to do things that she does not like doing. It would not make
any sense to him.
Finally, by trying to be
something they are not, women do not give themselves nor the guy any
credit. Maybe the guy would prefer the ‘real her’. Or maybe he would
like her just as much. Or maybe he would just want her to be happy,
because as long as she is happy, he is happy too. But unless they
give the guy the chance to know who they really are and what they
really need, how can he be supportive?
The bottom line is that
women need to be honest with themselves (well, men too really, but
we are talking about ‘us women’ here). Women need to understand who
they are and what they want out of a relationship. And they must
have realistic expectations, both of the guy and the relationship.
Things are not always going to be perfect. There are ups and downs
in relationships as there are up and downs in life. Their guy is
probably not perfect, he will most certainly have good qualities as
well as flaws (at least in her eyes), exactly like they have too (I
know, it pains me to admit that us women are not really perfect
either!). But one thing is accepting and working through ups and
downs in a relationship, and another is denying who they are and
what they need in order to make the relationship ‘work’.
If you want to have a chance
to be happy in a relationship, then allow yourself to “be yourself”.
There is only so long you can keep up the act of being something you
are not without feeling unhappy, depressed or resentful. You deserve
better that, don’t you think?
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